Submit to the Chairman
All vehicular movements shall be governed under a creatively-named act known as ‘The Transport Act’.
It consists of the following:
- To gain a license for the operation of an automobile, one must recite the value of pi to 1000 decimal places.
- All automobiles must be registered with the ‘Transport Department’ (or ‘Ministry of Mobile Madness’), and as a requirement of this registration, must be ‘pimped’ by MTV’s ‘Pimp my Ride’.
- All automobiles must travel on the left side of the road, unless permission from the Transport Department has been granted to travel on the right, the footpath, or an agreed paddock.
- All commercial aircraft must perform at least one barrel roll during every flight, or an agreed alternative aerobatic manoeuvre.
- All ships must carry a bowsprit of a nude woman, mermaid, or Chairman roflMao.
This act maybe altered or appended to at any time, without notice to the public, in order to maximize government revenue.
While men and women who are to become police officers are in the academy they must go through rigorous training. Before they are commissioned to use a stun gun they must have the stun gun used on them so that they know what pain the subject goes through. This is known as the Do Unto Others Fairness Act.
Other Areas Where The Act Will Be Put Into Effect:
Bakers – Before bakers can sell cream-filled doughnuts they must have 50 pounds of lard injected into various places on their body so they understand what their customers go through after eating their doughnuts for 5 years.
Terrorists – Before a terrorist decides to blow somebody up they must stand next to a dummy that has a bomb strapped to it. After the bomb goes off and kills the terrorist they can then decide if they would like to do the same to somebody else.
Jackasses – Men who feel the need to laugh at other men who have no hair due to baldness must themselves become bald before they can laugh at the bald men. They must undergo a procedure by way of laser hair removal. Some of their hair will be spared, mostly just the top will be removed. Once the hair is gone they are then encouraged to laugh at other bald men.
All sperm donors must pay child support not to exceed 500 children.
Congress gets 250,000 dollar bonuses and three Cuban cigars.
All children who refuse to do their home work must be forced to work in sweat shops making Kobe Bryant’s latest shoes: Air Jumpsuits.
Chairman Roflmao will reign supreme on the WordPress Blogs of the Day not to exceed 7 years.
The following laws are changes to the United States Constitution. They can be incorporated as amendments or as part of an entirely new constitution.
Article the First
1. Representation in the Congress of the United States of America shall be reduced to 9 representatives and 3 senators.
2. 3 of the representatives shall represent the population of the United States from the Mississippi River east to the east Coast.
3. This shall be called the “Foxtrot” District mainly because Arabic numerals bore us.
4. An additional 3 representatives shall represent the territory between the Mississippi River and the Rocky mountains.
5. They shall represent just the territory however and not the population thereon. Those persons wishing representation should move to one of the other two districts or learn to suck it up.
6. This district will be referred to as “Jennifer.”
7. The last three representatives shall represent the population of the United States from the Rockies to the west coast and will include Hawaii and Alaska.
8. This district will be referred to as “Over Yonder.”
9. The three senators will all represent the territory of Jennifer District in the same way that the representatives represent the district—speaking only for the district and not the inhabitants.
10. The reason that Jennifer gets all the senators is to make up for the fact that the inhabitants don’t have anyone to speak for them.
11. Under this plan, they still won’t have representation in Congress, but they will have more of it.
All citizens have the right to speak freely about anyone, even if it is defamatory or grossly untrue, so long as they conclude it with an equally disgraceful comment about themselves.
For example: “Chuck Norris owns a porcelain doll collection, but I had nightmares after watching Finding Nemo. Those fish could talk. Just creeps me out.”
“Angelina Jolie asked me back to her place, but I told her that I already had a date with Matt Damon.”
Not abiding by this law will result in the publication of the offender’s most secret possessions in the media.
I introduce you to this shiny new blog; a blog which is all about creating some brilliant (or ridiculously stupid) laws for the good (or bad) of the whole world. It is named in honour of the large, bald, and suspiciously well-preserved leader of China throughout the mid 20th century.
You, the readers, are encouraged to submit your own laws, which will be published if they are sufficiently funny/demented/unnecessarily complicated and don’t offend anyone too badly.